A recent new acquaintance of mine Sherri Mulconry is a qualified Hypnotherapist, Counsellor and Life Coach, andexplains in her new book how “you can’t change them but… you can change the way you react to them”
So Why Are They Being So Difficult?
The first thing is to resolve conflicts and improve relationships with difficult people by understanding where they’re coming from. People behave based on what they’re thinking: Our thoughts determine our emotions and our emotions determine our behaviour.
TIP: When a difficult person goes on the attack, ask them what they would like you to do and how you can help.
Why We Get So Emotional…
We grow up with our own sense of what’s right and wrong or what’s true and false. When someone challenges our beliefs or life rules our default reaction is to become defensive. When they disagree with our needs, decisions or opinions we usually have an overwhelming impulse to try and make them see things our way. We try to get them to see reason and to be sensible. We want them to admit they are wrong and to say that we are right!
There is less conflict and more co-operation between people who feel they are on the same page. Sherri explains ‘match and mirror’ where you mirror the other person’s communication behaviours such as volume and pace of their speech, their posture and their gestures. While we often do this naturally with people we like and trust, we can also deliberately ‘match and mirror’ difficult people to connect better.
Sherri explains her 5 step process for better Communication and how to Acknowledge, Repeat, Clarify, Summarize & then Confirm their message.
She also shares the importance of being present and listening properly with some simple listening techniques.
Sherri says there is a powerful secret that everyone should know but few people do! The most precious possession for every human being is their ego. This does not mean that the person is “egotistical” but rather refers to a sense of human dignity that we are all born with. It’s a need for the knowledge deep down in each and every persons’ heart that he or she is important and deserves respect. This is the true basis for self- esteem. The need to feel valued and worthy is a healthy force and a birthright. This is formed by our Basic Human needs:
- Every person wants to feel significant
- Every person craves recognition from others
- Every person wants self-approval
- Every person cares more about themselves than anything else in the ?world.
Sherri entertains us as she introduces and shares the personalities of 10 different characters and how to best relate/deal with them. I’ll bet you all know at least one of these:
- Big Bully Bill
- Amber Ambush
- Volatile Vince
- Know-It-All Nancy
- Dominating Damien
- Deep, Silent Sam
- Yes Me Martha
- Negative Neville
- Complaining Connie
This is quite a simple and easy read, with some great practical tips, and a book that perhaps you could hold handy with you to refer to when having to deal with that next difficult person you come across. Perhaps over simplified as often there are complex mixtures of these personality types, so you may need to identify 2 or 3 of the characters and tackle each one of them in the same person. It’s only $10, and 41 pages so no excuse really for anyone not having it as a quick reference tool….not just because I know her.